Tonight

走向那照耀著我的月光之下
為了找尋親愛的你 
雖然不知道盡頭在哪
/


愛
 

只是對自己誠實, 也那麼的困難

/

好痛 非常痛 連做夢也只有  痛

我想說的是.

1. 我不知道2011是否讓我挖掘自己的一年,但這兩個月來每天不下數次恍然大悟,哦,原來你是這樣子的。
2. 像我突然靈光一閃,終於有頭緒,將收藏已久零落的拼圖逐點逐點拼起來。
3. 好似剛從混沌中掉出來,剛被分娩的嬰兒一般。我就窩在嬰兒車中把玩觀賞著自己的手腳。
4. 也許是因為很常自己一個人。並很習慣一個人。所以才學會與自己對話。
5. 應也同時因為那些夢, 偶爾發現的星盤,喜歡崇拜了特別的人,以及很多很多他人給我的愛。
6. 才發現自己是很難感受/察覺他人的愛的人。( 大概過度表達的媽媽是例外。)
7. 才會覺得一切都那麼無所謂。

IU.

我想說的是.

1. 先簡單祝你一句明天生日快樂。
2. 就算不知道想要的是什麼, 知道自己沒停下腳步, 正不斷搜索就很好了。
3. 你長大好多, 了不起的孩子。
4. 即使是那麼一個分秒都在變的人, 即使叫人愛又叫人恨, 那也是你, 只是你。
5. 抱歉過去十八年來那樣虧欠了你。一起做好吧。
6. 要沈穩,堅定,溫柔。認認真真去肯定愛與付出, 請再別輕淺地說愛說喜歡, 知道那人說的all in是什麼,對吧。
7. 想笑就笑, 不想笑也別再去笑, 別勉強苦著臉說沒事很累而已。
8. 其實他們都愛你。
9. 為什麼總在嫌棄自己? 沒必要和人比較, 真的。
10. 為自己打算, 也學習照顧別人。
11. 合適的就是好的。
12. 乖。
13. 現在好好地睡吧。

Umm.

成熟是對抗世界的偽裝。

/

難以安睡。變成像這樣了。(笑)

Banana.(笑)

Dreamy dream.

(耳膜和眼晴都, 不停向大腦述說  的美好 : 
是這個人了。你可以停下來了。)


從洞穴裡傳來的聲音。
黝黑的眼睫毛。
堅韌的草。
平滑修長。
還有無臉的小熊。


然後收起雙翅停下來。
一切都不會有人知道。你會看見我仍在飛。
你會想嚐一口我的蘋果。
(而我送你塑膠蘋果。)


當你以為我在空中盤旋(並追逐)
或棲於此岸(而留居)
其實我早已
將蘋果放在最高的山峰。
(空冷將它保溫。)


你永遠嚐不到
我
永遠也想惦那高不勝寒處。


(是這個人了。你可以停下來了。)


20110210 0117.

Vacation.

Creep.

Creep

Radiohead

When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

I wish I was special

You're so very special

But I'm a creep

I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts

I want to have control

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice when I'm not around

You're so very special

I wish I was special

But I'm a creep

I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here

She's running out again

She's running out

She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy

Whatever you want

You're so very special

I wish I was special

But I'm a creep

I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here

I don't belong here


現在才明白這支歌的好

Zara.

好漂亮! 然後是是真皮! 啡色! Large size!

也....好貴!!!

我想說的是.

1. 已經好幾天沒有吃牛肉。說實在也真的不難,反正肉有很多種嘛 。倒是口快快就會罵髒話了。懺悔反省中。 
2. 而為什麼我受得了自己別人說髒話, 卻受不了那個"  "字呢。莫說聽或講, 就是看見我都討厭死了。
3. 食錢怪老楊又成功吞食我的半副身家, 唉唉。 看來至九月為止也不能倖免呢。
4. 早起真難。 
5. 晚上和L打邊爐。
6. 再一次, 好掛念瑩瑩。
7. 嗯, 我是一個虛榮的人。喜歡物質與享樂。
8. 要先喜歡和尊敬, 才會談及愛不愛。沒有尊敬的支撐, 那份好感只會腐爛成更深的鄙夷。
9. 鬆鬆的外套。
10. 有時我真不明白, "爸爸"是一個什麼樣的概念。於我來說應該是一個什麼樣的人。
11. 衷心喜歡Uniqlo.
12. 我給自己200天的限期, no delay.
13.  24 Aug 2011
14. Ta voix me rend plus profonde comme le vin touge de ton vin préfere, tout est fabuleux avec toi.
15. 一切都是白色的候鳥。
16. 我有太多可怕的不足, 滿身一個個黑色的洞。而我不欲再竭力掩飾那不完好的肉身與心, 狼狽地逃跑, 不如擁抱它。緊緊擁抱它。
17. 房間。
18. 嗨。不知道真到那天了, 面對面了, 會是開心尷尬還是疏離呢。真期待。

This eagerness to change ,such a shame.

Such a Shame 

Nouvelle Vague

Such a shame to believe in escape
'A life on every face'
And that's a change
Till I'm finally left with an eight
Tell me to relax, I just stare
Maybe I don't know if I should change
A feeling that we share
It's a shame

Such a shame
Number me with rage
It's a shame
Such a shame
Number me in haste
Such a shame
This eagerness to change
It's a shame

The dice decide my fate
And that's a shame
In these trembling hands my faith
Tells me to react, 'I don't care'
Maybe it's unkind that I should change
A feeling that we share
It's a shame

Such a shame
Number me with rage
It's a shame
Such a shame
Number me in haste
Such a shame
This eagerness to change
Such a shame

Tell me to relax, I just stare
Maybe I don't know if I should change
A feeling that we share
It's a shame

Such a shame
Number me with rage
It's a shame
Such a shame
Number me in haste
It's a shame
Such a shame
Write it across my name
It's a shame
Such a shame
Number me in haste
Such a shame
This eagerness to change

Womanly.

Jen Brill, Agent

• DECEMBER 14, 2010
• / 
• 
  

“I pretty much keep it simple. There are things that I’m nuts about, like the shampoo and moisturizer I use, but aside from that it’s pretty bare bones. In the morning I wash my face withCetaphil, which is the most simple cleanser ever. I use Amore Pacific moisturizer. My friend Jeanine Lobell introduced me to that line and it’s incredible. Then I use the Chanel Teint Innocence compact foundation just to cover spots, and TONS of mascara—ChanelInimitable Intense. At night I’ll do the bottom lashes too and make crazy spider legs. It takes me at least ten minutes every day to put on my mascara. Ten minutes, literally—I paint each lash. I’d never do lash extensions though; too fussy. Anything that requires maintenance I don’t do—like I’d love to color my hair but realistically I’m not going every two months to get root touch ups; that’s not happening. So then I’ll do a bit of rouge, it’s this pink Chanel one. I used to use brownish rouge and Jeanine was like, ‘No, don’t use brown, it picks up discoloration in your skin,’ so I started using pink. I use a lot of Chanel makeup—I love the packaging, I love the color palette, it just works the best for me. But I also love MAC Ruby Woo, I’ve been wearing it forever. It doesn’t move—Ruby Woo will not leave your mouth. I can eat steak and mashed potatoes and it’s still there. And I just started using this Shu Uemura lip liner, just their red, and it’s amazing. For evening, NARS and Chanel have these cream eye shadows, Chanel’s are in a bottle, and I’ll use a bronze or a gold or silver and just smudge it on. I love them. I wear Chanel ‘Beige’ fragrancemost of the time, but another thing I started doing is wearing Old Spice deodorant. Every man I’ve ever loved wears Old Spice…I love the smell of it.

For my hair, I strictly use René Furterer. I used to use J.F. Lazartigue as well but [C.O.] Bigelowstopped carrying them. Now I don’t know where to find it, and it’s too weird for me to order shampoo off the internet. My hair’s pretty straight so sometimes at night if I have time, I’ll put it up into two buns when it’s still wet and use Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray, spritz it, let it dry and take it down, and that’s my hairdo. I call them my ‘Party Buns’. I’ve had friends come over before we go out and they’re like, ‘You look like Björk, you’re not going out like that.’ And I’m like, ‘No, these are my Party Buns!’

I’m really lucky because I’m a photo agent and a stylist agent so I’m always on shoots with makeup artists and hairdressers and I love beauty and hearing about people’s tricks and tips. For instance Frank B., he told me about the Shu Uemura lip liner. Whenever I’m on set with someone I’m like, [whispers] ‘Tell me a trick!’ Like Dennis Lanni, he’s been cutting my hair for eight or nine years, and he taught me how to do my Party Buns. I can’t deal with going into a salon so I just hi-jack a haircut. I text him and say, ‘Are you shooting this week?’ And he’ll say, ‘Yeah, come by the studio,’ so I’ll go after whatever shoot he’s doing. He’s great because he’s not fussy—he just gives me the perfect ‘nothing’ haircut.

I go to Christine Chin every six weeks or so for a facial. I rotate between her and Ingrid, but Ingrid’s really my main chick and I’ll see Christine every three or four times. You go there and get hardcore extractions. And that’s the only thing that’s ever worked for my skin. I had really great skin my whole life until my early 20’s when it really broke out. And Christine Chin is the only thing I’ve done that’s fixed it. They squeeze every single pore. And for days afterward you look insane, but a week later you look like…Gisele. [Laughs] Another thing that I do religiously—I’m so scared of looking matte so I always mist my face with something, like JurliqueCitrus Purifying Mist. My greatest fear is to look matte.

I just went to Valley on Elizabeth and saw Maki who does Sally [Singer’s] nails. I got a red manicure with burgundy, bronzy glitter. I was too scared to experiment with the gel. But usually I go to Spazio on Mott Street and see this woman Joanna. She’s really, really, really good. In a perfect world I would go to Joanna and get my nails painted red and then I’d go to Maki and get the design. There’s this place in LA called C T Nails, it’s across the street from Whole Foods in West Hollywood, they do the best airbrushing in the whole entire world. Layered stars, crosses, flames, skulls, Chanel symbols, everything you could imagine. He could even airbrush the baby toenail. I call him Genius but his name’s Peter. If you ever go in there and ask for Genius, then he’ll know you’re my friend.”

—as told to ITG

  第一眼就覺得她很有女人味, 看那紅唇。很舒適自在的一個女人。條紋衣牛仔褲平底鞋。按自己喜歡的化個妝, 灑香水,塗指甲油。頂著一頭自然微亂的棕髮。住在舒適的米白屋子裡。還有一櫃子的Chanel, 呵。

  我膚淺, 我實在嚮往這種生活。

  也許因為現在眼裡只看得見  生活 。


(其實打從最初就如是了, 你好該明白的。)